Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
