No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I feel like a drive thru vagina
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
