Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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