I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
