I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
