We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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