I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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