6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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