At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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