just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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