he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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