Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
