By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
