My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
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