Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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