Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
