I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im having a threesome with these popsicles
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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