i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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