before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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