i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
