Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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