I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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