And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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