this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
