You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
