I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
