The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
