What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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