you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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