hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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