Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize