forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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