I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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