Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
