i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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