he puts the penis in happiness.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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