shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
