Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
