The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
