is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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