Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
