He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Your penis caused this!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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