taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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