is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The adults are the big ones right?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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