my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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