I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't trust your balls anymore.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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