I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
