"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize