don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
two words: eviction party
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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