I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
