pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
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