Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
