Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
