i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
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you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
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I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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