what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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