just tell him i said nine months
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
