All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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