Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
