Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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