i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
